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‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: Jax Don’t Preach | Betches

When your Monday night feels like Sunday, you know you’re in for a f*cked up week, Vanderpump fam. Last week, we saw the triumphant return of James Kennedy, and by triumphant, I mean he’s barely holding it together. He’s like, one sip of tequila and wrong look from Katie away from a full-on meltdown. Also last week, Scheana apologized to Dayna for treating SUR like it’s an incoming sorority pledge class, and that’s more or less all the important stuff that happened.

So this week, Lisa and Ken are in the car and Lisa brings up the whole issue with Jax and Brittany’s pastor. Damn, I forgot that had happened and I wondered when they were going to shoehorn this into the season...

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Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: They Made Their Guests Cook & Clean | Betches

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

Because I have been single for about a hundred years, I’m not proud of how much I know about weddings. I don’t even know where I learned all this sh*t, maybe from planning my brother’s wedding in full, or maybe just from reading bridezilla stories from across the internet...

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Happy Friendsgiving: Weekend Horoscopes November 22-24 | Betches

It’s almost Thanksgiving, and most of us are being unfairly targeted by the cosmos to spend time (if not suffer a bit of drama) at the hands of family members and close friends. Will your slightly racist uncle make more colorful comments this year? Will your aunt dig in to your romantic history? Or will you decide to sit out of Thanksgiving altogether in a show of solidarity with other introverts? Stay tuned for that. In the meantime, you can seek some comfort in your weekend horoscopes.

Sagittarius

The moon’s in Libra and your social light is on, Sagittarius. That’s a plus, too, considering Venus is making your outward appearance, personality, and overall demeanor shiny af all weekend long...

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Kylie Jenner’s Most Insane Parties Ranked By Extraness Betches

No matter what you think about the Kardashians and Jenners, you can’t deny that they throw incredible parties. And by incredible, I mean incredibly over-the-top. In the world of Kylie Jenner and fam, more is more, and there’s nothing Kylie loves more than going all the way (and then some) with a party theme. It’s a shame Kylie never went to college, because she would have taken sorority mixers to the next level.

This Saturday, August 10th, is Kylie Jenner’s 22nd birthday, and she’s off in Europe celebrating on a $250 million yacht, naturally. And that’s after Travis Scott literally filled her entire house with rose petals. This birthday might end up being her most lavish event yet, and that’s saying something...

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The Most Instagrammable Books To Read Summer 2019 Betches

They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but they also say not to meet men at bars and the best option is to meet through shared hobbies, and that’s gotten me about as far as the distance one can safely travel on one of those motorized scooters. Which is to say, about 5 feet before face planting! But I’m not here to gripe about my dating life (today). I’m here to help you judge a book by its cover. Sometimes you want to read a good beach reach (and for that, might I recommend my Summer Reading List?), and sometimes, you want to just Instagram your book cover on the beach. With this list, you can do both. I’ve rounded up the best summer reads that have a lot going on and are pretty to look at (aka what my dad says about me when asking why I’m still not dating anyone)...

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How I Won My Battle With Emotional Eating Betches

If you and I met today, you might think I was naturally lean. Born with a high metabolism. Able to eat whatever I want without gaining a pound. Not going to lie, that would be amazing. But the truth is, growing up, I was always the big kid.

By the time I was 13 years old, I weighed over 200 pounds and struggled with losing weight, emotional eating, and diets that didn’t work. While most kids dreamed of becoming movie stars or famous athletes, my early inspirations were the knowledgeable dietitians I met every summer at fat camp. I was never normal. I was never small. The pediatrician’s office constantly told my parents, “She’s obese. She’s over the 100th percentile, she’s not even on the chart!”

At eight years old, I was sent to “fat camp...

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A Bro’s Breakdown Of Colton’s ‘Bachelor’ Contestants Betches

I’m Jared Freid. I’m a 33 year old comedian who loves The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I love it so much, I live tweet every episode @jtrain56. As you can imagine, my father is v proud. V.

For years, I’ve broken down the contestants before the new season. When I first started doing these, Snapchat was just an app to see boobs, and Instagram wasn’t a career. Also, ABC would only give me a picture, a name, an age, where they were from, and a profession. I’d make massive assumptions based on that small amount of information and that was my preview. Then ABC was like, “Let’s interview these monsters,” and suddenly my job got easier. Maybe too easy. The contestants would give weird answers, and you could basically tell which of them were Instagram follower thirsty...

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5 Weird Realities Of Composing Music For Movies And Ads

If you don’t think professional composers are important, observe the grand ending of Star Wars with John Williams’ score removed:

Creating background music specifically designed to manipulate your emotions is a job that’s both harder and weirder than you’d probably think. We talked to composers John Keltonic, Jonathan David Russell, and Thomas O’Boyle, who told us how …

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A Two-Note Chime Can Take A Ridiculous Amount Of Effort

You’ll probably hear a hundred electronic tones today from various gadgets — your phone, your car, your microwave — and never thought about the poor bastards behind the scenes who obsessed over getting those tones just right...

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23 Helpful Shortcuts For Keeping Yourself Fed

If you’ve ever burned down an apartment heating up a cup of Kraft Easy Mac because you left a spoon in it, you aren’t alone. But cooking doesn’t have to be so deadly — and we’ve got some tips that’ll help keep your home and eyebrows intact.

Pretty much you’ll be the next Gordon Ramsay after reading this — complete with excessive swearing.

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Entry by Writables

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Entry by Jesmonster

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6 Weirdly Specific Tropes Movies Got Briefly Obsessed With

Hollywood is a constant savage battle between artistic vision and producers desperate not to be fired. Sometimes this means crowd-pleasing fun, but most times it means each new idea gets grabbed by every studio and wrung dry over the course of a few years before they move on to the next one.

Some of those ideas are weirdly specific. Like freakishly, pointlessly specific. For instance …

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Five Out Of Six Movie Deaths Are Now Caused By Huge Blue Light Beams

There are an infinite number of ways for aliens to kill us. They can drop asteroids on us, grow replacements of us in pods, or carefully wait for every Earth government to elect an insecure idiot with nuclear capabilities. But somewhere along the way, all movie aliens agreed on a single method: a big stupid beam of blue light.

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