When your Monday night feels like Sunday, you know you’re in for a f*cked up week, Vanderpump fam. Last week, we saw the triumphant return of James Kennedy, and by triumphant, I mean he’s barely holding it together. He’s like, one sip of tequila and wrong look from Katie away from a full-on meltdown. Also last week, Scheana apologized to Dayna for treating SUR like it’s an incoming sorority pledge class, and that’s more or less all the important stuff that happened.

So this week, Lisa and Ken are in the car and Lisa brings up the whole issue with Jax and Brittany’s pastor. Damn, I forgot that had happened and I wondered when they were going to shoehorn this into the season...

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

Because I have been single for about a hundred years, I’m not proud of how much I know about weddings. I don’t even know where I learned all this sh*t, maybe from planning my brother’s wedding in full, or maybe just from reading bridezilla stories from across the internet...

It’s almost Thanksgiving, and most of us are being unfairly targeted by the cosmos to spend time (if not suffer a bit of drama) at the hands of family members and close friends. Will your slightly racist uncle make more colorful comments this year? Will your aunt dig in to your romantic history? Or will you decide to sit out of Thanksgiving altogether in a show of solidarity with other introverts? Stay tuned for that. In the meantime, you can seek some comfort in your weekend horoscopes.

Sagittarius

The moon’s in Libra and your social light is on, Sagittarius. That’s a plus, too, considering Venus is making your outward appearance, personality, and overall demeanor shiny af all weekend long...

No matter what you think about the Kardashians and Jenners, you can’t deny that they throw incredible parties. And by incredible, I mean incredibly over-the-top. In the world of Kylie Jenner and fam, more is more, and there’s nothing Kylie loves more than going all the way (and then some) with a party theme. It’s a shame Kylie never went to college, because she would have taken sorority mixers to the next level.

This Saturday, August 10th, is Kylie Jenner’s 22nd birthday, and she’s off in Europe celebrating on a $250 million yacht, naturally. And that’s after Travis Scott literally filled her entire house with rose petals. This birthday might end up being her most lavish event yet, and that’s saying something...

They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but they also say not to meet men at bars and the best option is to meet through shared hobbies, and that’s gotten me about as far as the distance one can safely travel on one of those motorized scooters. Which is to say, about 5 feet before face planting! But I’m not here to gripe about my dating life (today). I’m here to help you judge a book by its cover. Sometimes you want to read a good beach reach (and for that, might I recommend my Summer Reading List?), and sometimes, you want to just Instagram your book cover on the beach. With this list, you can do both. I’ve rounded up the best summer reads that have a lot going on and are pretty to look at (aka what my dad says about me when asking why I’m still not dating anyone)...

If you and I met today, you might think I was naturally lean. Born with a high metabolism. Able to eat whatever I want without gaining a pound. Not going to lie, that would be amazing. But the truth is, growing up, I was always the big kid.

By the time I was 13 years old, I weighed over 200 pounds and struggled with losing weight, emotional eating, and diets that didn’t work. While most kids dreamed of becoming movie stars or famous athletes, my early inspirations were the knowledgeable dietitians I met every summer at fat camp. I was never normal. I was never small. The pediatrician’s office constantly told my parents, “She’s obese. She’s over the 100th percentile, she’s not even on the chart!”

At eight years old, I was sent to “fat camp...

I’m Jared Freid. I’m a 33 year old comedian who loves The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I love it so much, I live tweet every episode @jtrain56. As you can imagine, my father is v proud. V.

For years, I’ve broken down the contestants before the new season. When I first started doing these, Snapchat was just an app to see boobs, and Instagram wasn’t a career. Also, ABC would only give me a picture, a name, an age, where they were from, and a profession. I’d make massive assumptions based on that small amount of information and that was my preview. Then ABC was like, “Let’s interview these monsters,” and suddenly my job got easier. Maybe too easy. The contestants would give weird answers, and you could basically tell which of them were Instagram follower thirsty...